3 Baby Steps to Begin Growing Your Self-Confidence Today

I used to be entirely unconfident around other people. I pictured myself as unattractive, awkward, and strange.

Nowadays, I am the polar opposite. I strike up random conversations with strangers. I don’t shrink in the face of criticism. I dance ridiculously in public.

This dramatic change was not the result of a quick fix or secret trick. It happened slowly, over a long period of time. It was the result of a series of small, manageable actions.

Strong Sailor

Photo Credit: Official Navy Page (Creative Commons)

Here are three little steps you can take today (and hopefully tomorrow) to begin transforming your self-image and confidence.

1. Smile at a Person You Don’t Know

When we’re unsure of ourselves, we treat eye contact as if it is a physically torturous experience. In doing this, we’re refusing a golden opportunity.

It feels positively uplifting to confidently lock eyes with another person, and rather than look away, smile at them. When someone returns the smile, it is a beautiful connection that naturally makes you feel better about yourself.

Don’t sweat it if your smile isn’t returned or even if the person looks put off. Many people will not return this gift that you’re extending to them, but the fact that you’re a person who reached out and took a chance deserves applause anyways.

2. Compliment Yourself

We all have qualities and achievements that we appreciate in ourselves, but it is often easy to dwell on the negatives until self-doubt becomes engrained in our thought processes.

To overcome this, you have to recognize your successes and positive attributes.



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I recommend sitting down today and writing a list of all of the victories, no matter how small, that you have had in recent memory. Next, list the traits that you are proud to possess.

This practice will cause you to reflect on what makes you great, rather than what limits you.

If you want to go one step further, jot down everything you are grateful for. Then, write or repeat to yourself positive affirmations like I am kind, valuable, and strong or I have unique qualities that others love in me.

It may seem silly, but I promise that reflection on positive aspects of yourself and your life will improve your mood. Do this as often as you see fit, and you’ll begin to change the patterns of thought that lead to feeling unworthy.

3. Clean Your Room

Waking up in a cluttered or unclean environment begins to make our lives feel hectic and dirty over time, even if only on a subconscious level.

On the other hand, rising in the morning to a clean and open space inspires feelings of freedom and clear-mindedness.

Over time, picking up after yourself will lead to increased self-respect and a stronger sense that the day is yours to seize.

In Closing

As I said earlier, the road to confidence can be long and difficult. These three tips are by no means going to change your life over night.

They will, however, give you a place to start. The key to building real confidence is to always keep stretching your comfort zone. I’ll be writing an extended guide to confidence building, so watch for that down the line.

In the mean time, practice these three tips, and try to face little fears or discomforts, one at a time. You will be proud you’re making an effort to improve, which is a self-esteem boost in itself.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
―Lao Tzu

What other tips do you have to increase self-confidence? I’d love to hear them, so don’t be shy in leaving a comment below! Thank-you, and have a wonderful day.



I'm excited to share that I've been building the first-ever Refine The Mind course: The Amor Fati Course. It's a blueprint synthesizing everything I wish I’d known about how to love life when I first began deeply exploring the Big Questions about ~9 years ago. Learn more.

About Jordan Bates

Jordan Bates is the Creator of Refine The Mind. He loves you. In 2013, he moved to South Korea to teach English, embarking on a nomadic journey that would lead him to 27 countries. In the process he became a writer, entrepreneur, facilitator, autodidact, and rapper, reaching millions of people with his words and ideas. He’s deeply curious about how reality works, how to live well, and how to liberate all sentient creatures in existence. Befriend him and/or get his free eBook on how to exit the world of traditional work and live a radically free life. Amor fati, humans.

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